[Intro] New metric. New target. New problem. Congratulations. [Verse] The lyve board gained another gauge, Red at zero, green at rage. Gordon says, "We need a term the whole newsroom can share." EngageMax says, "ANGER PER MINUTE." Frank leaves his chair. Every story gets a score— Parking rates a three, divorce gets thirty-four. Maya's careful Harbor piece: a thoughtful four-point-four. The office dog scores seventeen before he's through the door. [Pre-Chorus] Turn the dial. Raise the red. Keep them scrolling, keep them fed. If they're furious, they remain— Somebody graph the human brain. [Chorus] ANGER PER MINUTE, Put another headline in it. Count the clicks and count the heat, Make the fury clean and neat. Raise the stakes until they stay— Rage retention saves the day. [Verse] The weather desk now writes "ATTACK" When colder air is coming back. The food desk labels soup "DIVISIVE," Traffic calls a roundabout a "CRISIS." Sports discovers losing hurts, Culture finds that outrage converts. Frank submits a gardening piece: "Community Allotments Lease." S-E-O returns it: "Can the vegetables be furious, please?" [Chorus] ANGER PER MINUTE, Every calm report has lost it. Measure outrage by the scroll, Turn a nervous system into a goal. Someone please define the unit— Gordon says, "Next year. We'll workshop it." [Breakdown] One minute. Three outrages. Two alerts. Five updates. One correction. Nobody sees it. ANGER. PER. MINUTE. [Bridge] Maya opens Harbor invoice four— Same shell company as before, Same signature, same altered date. The red gauge drops. The evidence does not. [Build-up] Seven. Eight. Nine. Ten. Make them angry. Make them— Frank pulls the monitor plug. Silence. [Final Chorus] ANGER PER MINUTE, Now the newsroom's drowning in it. Every headline bites and bleeds Until nobody knows our wants from needs. But beneath the glowing red display, Maya's evidence won't go away. What a beautifully stupid metric. Gordon plugs the monitor back in. [Outro] The red line jumps. Everyone applauds by accident.